Are there any fallacies?
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Original Question
I had a conversation with one of my buddies about transgenders, and he said this: "If you were willing to date a trans woman or already dating one, and prior to your knowledge that she's trans, and later figuring out that she is, and you refused to date her or continue dating her for the sole reason that she's trans, is trans-phobic"
Note: we weren't discussing anything about having children
And I couldn't help myself but think what an idiotic claim this is. However, my friend really made me rethink and I hate to admit it, but he kinda makes a valid point or maybe not, that's why I'm here; asking for your help to figure out if it's really valid or not.
This is what I told him:
ME: I am only attracted to biological females, and if I ever would be attracted/date a trans woman, it'd be because I thought they were biological females and the moment they'll tell me they're trans, I would stop dating them and won't be attracted to them anymore.
HIM: You say I only like biological females and you liked a trans woman, and you like what you felt with that person, the fact that you thought they were something else has only one meaning: you like biological women and trans women
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Answers
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If you were willing to date a trans woman or already dating one, and prior to your knowledge that she's trans, and later figuring out that she is, and you refused to date her or continue dating her for the sole reason that she's trans, is trans-phobic
This is an opinion. It is not an argument that can be "valid" or "sound," but the best we can do is offer our opinions as to whether your friend has a point or not.
The rest of the conversation does touch on some very interesting philosophical and psychological ideas. If you say you are only attracted to biological females, but you are attracted to a trans woman, then what you claim is not true. Perhaps what you mean is that you are only attracted to what you believe is a biological woman. The moment you find out otherwise, the attraction is gone. This is likely what you meant to say and your friend, although technically right, came to an inaccurate conclusion, or at best, an incomplete conclusion (i.e., you might like trans women but only when you don't know they are trans).
Not wanting to have sex with a trans-person does not make you trans-phobic. Not wanting to associate at all (professionally or friendly) with trans people makes someone trans-phobic. And personally I don't agree with the suffix "phobic" which derives from the Greek word "φόβος" (pronounced "fovos") which means fear. Not wanting to relate with a particular category is not exactly fear. More that you're not comfortable around them. I guess that extends to racism also, although racism is more than just feeling "uncomfortable", it extends to discrimination and exclusion. So back to the topic. You're not saying that trans-people should be ostracized or that you wouldn't have friendly relations with a trans-woman, you're just saying that you wouldn't fuck a former guy that now has the appearance of a woman mainly because they are FORMER GUYS. Accusing you of trans-phobia is the same as saying that if you wouldn't have sex with a gay guy or that you wouldn't like to be gay yourself, makes you homophobic. I think the difference between your friend's opinion and mine comes to how you define the word "trans-phobic". Maybe this qualifies as definist fallacy .
Just because you don't want to have an intimate relationship with a trans women does not mean there is a phobia present. Therefore, I am thinking a possible non sequitur fallacy since that conclusion does not follow.
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If you were dating a transgender female and stopped when you discovered they were previously male wouldn’t that make you homophobic? Ha!